The Truth About Dating and The Single Life

 Being that I am now 40 and have had the opportunity to be single during my times of freedom, I have this to say about it: Dating is not necessarily as glamorous or exciting as some may think it is. Being single can be extremely fun and adventurous depending on what you do with your time. And, searching for the one who makes your heart beat faster can be agonizingly painful if the timing happens to be bad.

Let me start with the fun part. Being single can be super exciting and adventurous, if you have surrounded yourself with reliable friends, and those who can also keep up with the plans the group makes. In my book there is nothing worse than being single and having all the time in the world to do whatever your little heart desires, but no one to do it with! My first time being single after my first marriage I was young and full of energy (ummm, that’s not to say that I don’t have lots of energy now-cause I’m superwoman don’t you know?!? (Must say this in a valley girl twang—get used to this one, I use it a lot!) But, just kidding, I have to give myself pep talks all the time!). Anyhow, the first time I was single I was in my late 20’s. Back then I thought I was soooooooo OLD. I thought for sure my time was passed and no night club in their right mind would let this old woman in. Not to mention, my friends where married and mothers too, so it was hard to make plans without a child suddenly becoming sick, or a husband standing between the door and a girls night out with the newly single girl! God forbid my new found single-hood would suddenly become a plague or bad influence on their saintly wives who would now also want to join the club of single girl freedom. I was doomed to figure things out on my own and so I became a bartender. I worked a professional job during the day and at a nightclub weekend nights. I had lots of fun making friends, making money, and making sure I was strutting my young little toosh to the nightclub music weekly. Yes, I made plenty of tips and learned much more about life than I care to share at this time. I will tell you this though, at night I came home alone and felt that no matter how much money or fun I had, I wanted more out of life. This is when I went back to school to get my first degree and used up my time to do something worthwhile. I truly did use my single time to create a different future. You can imagine that there are many, many more things that happened, but during this time of dating I was not available. I met many people while I danced salsa 5-6 nights a week—-sometimes 7 times a week if I couldn’t fight the dance addiction (This is true!! Totally not making it up. Ask anyone who dances salsa and is good at it! There should be a salsa dancer’s anonymous or something!). To this day, I cant listen to salsa or bachata without wanting to go dancing, so I don’t; unless i have plans to go dancing that night!. The second time I was single is now. I am much older and the dating scene has changed. My priorities have also changed. My girlfriends are professionals and able to do so much more. I learned that I am worthy of friends who keep their commitments and our plans seem to always work out. The women who were my friends the first time have also grown and they have become my sisters. I am extremely thankful for this time, and I feel ready to find a happy balance between the single life and the dating world. So lets talk about THAT little struggle!

As I mentioned earlier, dating this time is just not that amazing. Not to say that I haven’t had a good time. I feel that there are some good men who truly want to find a life partner. In my case there just happens to be no instant attraction. The fire is missing most of the time, and there is absolutely no motivation to spend one more minute with that person (sadly, even after just ONE MINUTE of meeting them, ugh!). The chasing game is fun, but then also disappointing. Men will go through so much to impress a woman only to have it go flat when they are not the one who takes your breath away. Trust me on this one; there’s always that ONE who takes your breath away, and makes your heart skip a beat like no other. Of course it would be my luck that timing is just off when we meet. There are those who believe that there is no bad timing and things are either meant to be or not, and all the other blah blah blah —if you love someone let them go yada yada—but geez, after all the meetings and hopefulness of finding a compatible life partner I have found this: To find someone who makes you stop dead on your tracks and forget the entire world is watching is priceless. It just doesn’t happen that often, and in my life, it has only happened once. So? Maybe this is why I keep dating; in the hopes of having lighting strike twice in this little wild heart of mine, or finding that the timing at some point will bring us together. Or lastly (not to be confused with “badly”) find myself living the single life with these amazing women who have become my sisters and go explore the world. Both options are fantastic!! But honestly; I’m partial to the breathtaking, lightning strike, no one else in the wold exists except for him and I, option. Yes, I’m a hopeless romantic, but once you feel that instant connection, you have found hope. What do you think will happen?

In love and light,


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