It is clear that no worthwhile journey ever undertaken has been obstacle free. There are new age thinkers who believe that through the law of attraction, or positive thinking; goals will be magically achieved. This is not to say that envisioning some end result is not effective. There must be a vision of something before you know the start to the final destination. The truth of the matter about any vision is that no path to it will be smooth sailing. Sometimes I wonder if the paths paved with difficulties are made that way so you can prove that you really want something. And, if this “something” is what you really want, then you will work for it and earn it. The other part of me, (You know!? The part that looks for excuses and reasons on why certain things didn’t work out? Or why it was so exhaustingly difficult that you stopped working for it?!- Yeah, that part!!), tells me that maybe the path of less resistance is really what is meant to be. This is when I go into acceptance mode; I give up, and follow the other path that is easy and comfortable because everything is lining up to lead me there! This is the exact moment when other things become more important like watching Netflix instead of being out socializing. Or, baking this super yummy delicious dish I totally saw on Pintrest that’s guaranteed to make me lose like 10 pounds within three days and stuff!!( insert valley girl twang here please)—-but that’s only because it’s so full of fiber that your system will be flushed out immediately after and you will not want to eat anything else, because let’s face it—NOTHING is as yummy as a fresh out of the oven maple donut!! (I know only maple donut connoisseurs will get this statement and that’s ok!). My point is; that we can be so easily swayed when things become difficult and hard to get, that we require a serious snap to get us back on track. This is the exact moment when wanting what you want, becomes that much more important, and your friends and family can be a source of motivation. I can’t tell you how many times I can look back at things in my life when I could’ve made a committed action towards my vision, but instead made a chocolate chip banana bread!! It’s like on one hand I have “Change the world” and on the other “Bake a cake”, grrrrr!!! I’m being extreme I know, but it happens!!
The reason why I’m saying this is because today I called the doctor about having a reversal to the tubal ligation I had back when I was 27. Just last week I was extremely happy to have found out that my insurance would cover at least 50% of the process and it could be done soon. I was certain that I would have the surgery before the end of next month and I would be one step closer to my vision for more babies. This morning I found out that is not the case. The doctors do not recommend the surgery because there is a possibility of it not being effective, and most importantly, there is a risk of having a tubal pregnancy which is dangerous and painful. My only option would be IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). This also means that although I don’t have a committed partner/soulmate at this time; the future would only be available to a very strong and faithful man to endure the risks of this journey with me. I can’t tell you that everything happens for a reason, there are no accidents, and the bigger purpose is in the process, without feeling a bit sad about it. I am truly hopeful and I will have an appointment soon to discuss this matter with doctors further. I will keep you posted. In the meantime, I will keep on moving towards my vision. I know that if this path has become a little bumpy, its only because the person who will be with me through it will be able to jump hurdles beside me. I almost feel like these babies in my vision really want to know I will do anything for them, and that I love them even before I know they exist. And apparently, they are also holding me accountable to wait for the right man to be their daddy.
In Love and Light,