Have you ever felt that uneasy feeling that something is just not right? It’s like you try to keep busy with things and constantly doing something to get organized, but it still feels like something is not working? This is when the mess and disorganization is actually inside of you and not on the outside. There have been times in my life when I feel like my life has become messy too. Not in terms of having a messy house or a messy closet (although that happens once in a while, but not long enough to become a habit, thank goodness! I’d hate for my closet to become some sort of abyss or a hidden pathway to an unknown land!! Although that would be kind of a cool little escape I would totally keep to myself, haha!). Anyway, there is a fine line between keeping your life in order and letting the mess take over. Sometimes the mess takes over and you don’t even realize it.
There have been times I have let things get messy in the past with those friendships or relationships that make things feel uneasy. I personally have never been a good judge of character, I’ll tell you that right away! People’s energy either attract me or they don’t, but I have never been the type to just keep someone out of my life for no reason. Someone will have to show me their true colors before I will attempt to remove them from my life. And even then, it still takes me a moment (or two) to remove them, because I care too much. I have been called a “push-over” or “too nice” or “loyal”, and that has taught me to be more proactive in some instances. However, there have been times in my life when the mess stays around for a while, but then suddenly, sometimes the trash takes itself out. The way this happens is when people stop talking to me, or decide they have no time to nurture our friendship or relationship. Basically, they leave on their own. This is when I must remember to leave the mess out and not bring it back into my home!
Of course this is tough! As a matter of fact this is the toughest part because turning people away is not “nice”. It is the co-dependent in me that has consistently forgiven and taken people back, but all that ends up happening is that I feel awful when the other person does exactly what they have always done, and let me down one more time. Bottom line is this. I have been given the opportunity to really clean up my life through this journey, and to get things in order before I will move forward. I am clear that the only way I will be given the opportunity to have the right man in my life, and the chance for a family; is to clean that mess up and leave it out. The way I have started this is by cancelling things that only make things messy, like the On-Line dating sites, that is done and out! No regrets here! Old relationships and amicable interactions are also closed (and by amicable I mean suitors I have already ruled out but continue to be nice to and respond to their texts, calls, or emails), no need to look back on those either. The last thing is getting back to me and what is important to me, such as fitness, health, and making a difference. Staying committed to my commitment will be my focused practice at this time, and being able to walk past the trash and not pick it up again. Let’s just hope the trash doesn’t accidentally get stuck under my shoe on my way back into my house, or I run into it at the gym and can’t shake it off. I promise I will keep you posted. For now, I will continue to clean house (aka-heart/mind) and keep myself open so that the right events will line up for things I want to happen in my life.
In Love and Light,