People are Numb 

People are Numb- The reasons why I’m worried about bringing more kids into this world.

Why is it that people get so jaded that they become numb and forget that they are living? Its like people get so caught up in the problems that they forget to enjoy the moments. Have you ever stopped to look at the way people interact? Or simply notice your conversations with strangers go from passing moment to passing moment with no real meaning? There is of course a few people here and there who seem to be truly connected and they appear to be out of place, really?! The majority though seem to be on automatic. I think this is why when some urgent event happens people take a second to react. We are not prepared as a whole to simply jump to it. I realize that part of me is sometimes super connected with people and I don’t know where it started. Maybe this has always been within me, or maybe this is something that became more apparent after living with cancer. I know that I definitely became more connected after I had my daughter who is the oldest. Children change people, then people change children. Being the vessel to bring life into the world can only change people, it is impossible to have any other effect I think. I remember immediately loving and having respect for my mother like never before when I delivered my daughter. Im extremely thankful that my mother was in the delivery room with both of my children. I instantly loved her and wondered how this woman went through this for all her children (there are five crazy Gambinos running around, my parents obviously didn’t watch much t.v.). But seriously… my mother had done this for me too and I could never repay her. Now there was this little being dependent on me to take care of her, and feed her, and make sure she was happy.

I remember one time parking at a random parking lot and having to take her car seat out of the car. I lived in Palm Springs at the time and the heat out there is unbearable in the summer, and the spring is not much better. My daughter was approximately 3 months old so it must’ve been May 1994; the heat was high and the desert is truly deserted when the sun is out, people just prefer to be in doors staying cool. As I sat her car seat on the pavement, I looked down at her and her innocence. She was quiet looking up at me, she didn’t know where we were or what I was doing; she just looked at me because I was the only person there. Emotions welled up in me and I could not stop them. I immediately started crying, I told her I’d love her forever. At that moment I wondered how anyone could ever hurt something so precious. I wondered how people could ever neglect their children, or leave them in a hot car, or even hurt them. I am not the perfect mom, God knows, and I’m sure my children will tell you that I have made some crazy mistakes, but I would never hurt my babies on purpose. I know that people get numb because of their past, but they always have a chance to make a difference and wake up when they come in contact with another human. We can wake each other up each and every day. We are still children who have grown up. So how does this happen? When do people stop playing and being connected? I’d like to know when this glitch in the program happens so we can reprogram it. The way things are right now, today, in this very moment….I wonder what kind of world would be waiting for any new babies. Have I even made a difference up until now to feel safe enough to bring more babies into it? Then I wonder where I left my magic wand that changes things instantly? Oh yeah?! I forgot, I’ve never had one! I guess I will have to settle for making a difference starting today instead. Wish me luck!

In Love and Light,



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