The Roller Coaster We Ride

  Have you ever felt stuck? Feeling like you are spinning your wheels and you go nowhere? Or, you are constantly planning for something that never comes true? Ugh, tell me about it. I have definitely been there before. It becomes this perpetual roller coaster that starts getting boring, and at times even scary when you think something is about to drop from under you, but it never really does. The thing is that getting stuck at a junction will take some doing on your part that is different from the action you have taken in the past. Sometimes it takes longer to make a committed action towards what you really want, and you end up on the roller coaster longer than you expected. Sometimes for years at a time. What is dangerous is; that sometimes you will stay on the roller coaster too long. And finally decide to get off it when you are no longer able to do the things you thought you wanted to do. Then you end up in a whole new unfulfilling roller coaster. I can tell you that I have been on several roller coasters, much more than I care to admit. The outcome is still the same however; I end up getting off and onto the next ride wishing I had gotten off the other ride much, much sooner. The reason why I call them roller coasters is because they are sometimes fun and exciting, but they are what they are. The roller coasters of life are such that you can stay on them forever, or you can try others, or revisit the ones you’ve been on before, or simply choose to get off altogether and end up walking the park and watching others ride along.

I was recently on a roller coaster. This one was difficult because I felt as if I had fallen right onto it and the other passengers were on it with me, but it wasn’t like that. It happens that I must’ve been passing through one of those reflective mirrors, kind of like the ones at the end of the Haunted Mansion at Disney; where at the end you see a ghost coming along with you, but then you get to the very end of the ride and they aren’t really there at all. Yup, that happened. The ghost was there, I saw it with my own two eyes, but in the end it was not there and I was on the ride alone. This happens sometimes and you find yourself needing to make a decision. Do you get back on the ride and hope to see the mirror image again to verify if what you saw was really there, or do you stay off it and get on another ride where the passengers will very much be real? Gosh, I can tell you that I got on the same ride several times because surely my eyes hadn’t played a trick on me?! But it was finally clear, the mirror was simply a reflection of what I WANTED to see. It sucks, really. What’s kindda cool though, is that it was still a fun ride, and one that definitely doesn’t need to be revisited.  

The last time I was on a crazy ride like that one , I decided to dismount. It was 2004 and I had found out I was finally cancer free. The treatments had worked and I only needed to continue to take medication for the rest of my life. I could handle, that! My home life was suffocating and I was a little slave in a home that was not mine, and would never be mine. I held myself captive because I didn’t want to hurt the person I was with. I saw his potential and I think I may have been in love with his potential and not what was real (just another illusion on my part—I think I have a problem/gift for seeing people as good as they can be, and not as they truly are at that moment….I’m beginning to think I either need reality glasses, or I’m simply cray cray!). I know I’ve been hopeful, and as much as that has kept me stuck hoping for someone to step up?! It has also made me stronger when I move out of these situations. Because I’m hopeful for the future, I am able to get unstuck quicker as well. It’s always that your weakness is also your strength! So, the next time you are at a juncture, decide if 10 years from now you’ll still want to be on that ride and with the person you are riding with (ummmm….if in fact there happens to be someone riding with you). If you can’t see yourself 10 years older and doing the same thing, then stop keeping yourself and others hostage; let them go and let yourself go. You are not being a hero by keeping everyone on a ride that is simply falling apart. The suit of cowardice has never really suited anyone. Go for the ride that really hypes you, meaning get the degree you’ve always wanted. Learn how to cook your favorite meal. Try out for a burlesque dance squad. Finally leave the toxic relationship that does no body good. Whatever it is, just get onto the ride that will accelerate your heart beat and start screaming for joy and not from fear. Here is to getting out of the quick sand and on to more fulfilling roller coasters.

In Love and Light,
Cinthia

  

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