I absolutely have to share with you what happened this weekend!! Not only was this weekend incredible in my own personal growth, but also in my spiritual growth. I can’t advocate enough for education and self-development, always!! This weekend was one of those weekends, where it was obvious that God was making sure I was not alone. If you are anything like me there may be a time or two, or three or four….or maybe even more, where I have been a bit of a controller (What??? No way…not me!!), ok I admit it….it may have been more than four times! Call me crazy…wait no, don’t call me crazy….the thing is that I know I can be super controlling about certain situations, but not so about others. The fact that I know this makes me more sane than not. Most importantly what I realized this weekend is that God knows this about me so much so, that there were enough signs to show me!! I will tell you how.
So, I have a brother who is in Prison…this is something that I am not proud to share. I’m also not proud to share that I haven’t been the type of sister my brother needs. I have not written to him in probably close to a year. I always say I’m going to and I will put it off, put it off, put it off…..until it just doesn’t happen at all. This is not the type of disconnected behavior I support; but I have done it, so I am guilty of it. Not only am I guilty of it, I FELT guilty for it. I didn’t realize I had been carrying so much anger, shame, and guilt about the whole situation until this weekend. Because of this personal work I completed, I realized that I was blocking myself from being open to having true connections with people. After doing some very deep spiritual work, I let go and freed my heart of it all. All I wanted was to simply send love and gratitude to my brother for everything he is…not WHAT he did. The most amazing thing happened the morning after I had released all of this from my heart. I received a letter in the mail from my brother!!!!! This was an unsolicited letter that had obviously been in the works and on its way to me for several days prior to me doing any of this work. God knew this and wanted to make sure I knew my thoughts and prayers were being answered, even before I myself knew I needed to reconnect with my brother. This had nothing to do with my controlling self….it has simply happened because it was meant to!!
I can’t tell you how the feeling of redemption and forgiveness overwhelmed me that morning….by the way there is no mail on Sundays at 10am….so the letter had been there for, I don’t even know how long, I just hadn’t looked for it!! This is like my life. God shows me that things are in the works even before I even know what I want or need. Or even the things I think I want may not even be the things that are meant for me but whatever “IT” is, it is already on its way with God’s love is all over it! I simply needed to be open to receive it. I know it took piles of self-growth to realize the impact this would have on me. My hope is that people are open to receive what is meant for them; because you can’t fully receive or appreciate what is meant for you, when you constantly push people away, shut them out, hide away, block them, or protect your heart so much that you may be surrounded by people and still be lonely. Wishing you the courage to break down your walls and the openness to fall into the love rewards that are waiting for you on the other side.
In love and light,