I recently reached out to someone whom I care for deeply. During the conversation they told me that they “could not be my only source of happiness” and that they “didn’t want to owe me anything,” specifically because at this time there was sadness in their life. As you can imagine, these two statements made me look at how I was being in that friendship. It was a slap to the face to understand this person felt such responsibility for me. Here I am attempting to be there for that person and instead they tell me I’m actually a burden! (Give me a moment while I take the knife out of my heart! Like Totally! #totalshocker).I honestly felt that making this person a priority was a way to show them how much I cared. It was clear that those words didn’t register quite as quickly as they could have, in order to elicit a different response from me. Instead I heard them loud and clear, and simply stated that their life was important in mine, and that if they wanted to hide away that I understood. I’ve been there. I have felt the need to hide in the past. I think it is necessary at times within reason. Sometimes there are things in our lives that require personal space and no one else is allowed to enter. I get it!! There is no judgement from me on that! Simply tell me what you need and I will ensure you get it!
After several days of thinking….Well, actually more like overnight prayer and self reflection…..I came to the conclusion that, yes…. I was giving this person my undivided attention. Not because they were my ONLY source of happiness (believe me, I am blessed to have many people who comprise my source of happiness), but because I felt they needed to know how important they were. See, what was confusing here, is that making them a priority made them believe that I had nothing else needing my attention. I made them so important that I failed to share that I was putting other things aside to give them my all. And this is why it was un-appreciated! DUH!! It’s like when things are given to people and things are not earned. People tend to under-appreciate those things. Which also clarifies the second statement: “I don’t want to owe you anything!”…OUCH!! I thought… Who in your life has came back and cashed in on things they have done for you? And why did you allow them to stay in your life?? Sadly, people have forgotten what unconditional love feels like; so much so, that they can’t even accept it! Of course pets can give you that type of love, but there are plenty of US HUMANS out here who can give people pure love too! At that moment I truly felt sad, not for myself, but for them! How horrible to live your life not allowing yourself to be loved and cared for, for fear of having to owe something back! That person’s love account has been so depleted, that if they give any love away at all; they feel their account would go into the negative and self destruct. What they don’t realize is that love can only come back when it is given away. Their account would be full once again if they only opened themselves up to allow others to love them. My prayer is that this person will come out of their cave at some point and reach out to those of us who care. And if you, or anyone you know has been in this position; I hope that we can empower each other to understand that giving and receiving love is the only way to have a life worth living.
In Love and Light,