I finally had the initial consultation for a referral to the fertility clinic. The doctor was honest about his concerns, and essentially stated that everything would be possible, as long as I have the process done within the next year. Ummm, What?? HOLD up…that’s like now!! I think the doctor noticed my look of horror and suggested that maybe a sister could donate an egg if it goes past this year. (Sigh!! I don’t have any blood sisters…but wait…I have some pretty amazing soul sisters!) Although, I think this rush would normally work for someone currently in a relationship, or someone willing to have a baby on their own. I know my goal is to have a family and raise children with a lifelong committed partner, not on my own. Ugh!! I left the doctor’s office feeling a little sad; yet at the same time, I also felt hopeful for some reason.
I sat in my car and thought for a moment. How can I be looking at this if there is no one in my life who is willing to go through this process with me? Am I being an unrealistic dreamer with a touch of insanity? Or am I so strong in my faith that I believe God/ The Universe will open the possibility to have my lifelong partner come sweeping into my life, now? And on top of that, he will be on board to do this with me at the drop of a hat? I can imagine that the person who would be insane enough to do this with me, would have to be someone super secure in themselves, and taking this leap of faith would be a sign of their courage and self-assurance.
At the same time; I figured that at the very least, if this is not meant for me, then I can stop looking. I will focus on other things like business, career, travel, keeping myself busy….You know? On things that can be equally fulfilling with friends and other adults. So, I will keep you updated as to what happens at the next appointment. I will continue to pray for the path that is meant to be and I will embrace it gracefully. Ummmm, but really I want the other stuff… haha!! I know!!!!….I can be hopeful to the end!
In Love & Light,