It has been an eventful week. It is interesting how a few days can change the path of a person in many ways. I know you have probably heard the saying things can “change in the blink of an eye.” Yes, of course they can. It’s crazy how quickly something can have an effect in your life. So here I am feeling sick and even a little down on myself for how things in my life are moving ….or should I say NOT moving?! Ugh!!! I get frustrated sometimes. Even though truly, my underlined feeling is always one of faith and hope….I still can’t help but start losing hope sometimes. YES, I am an impatient person for some things….like when you heat up something for a whole grueling minute in the microwave and you gotta run out the door so you can be to work on time…yes, like THAT kind of impatient.
Anyway…I have come to a point where I am indifferent about being single, it is no big deal. I know I have shared with you what my hopes and dreams are, but I am also satisfied loving my sisters and exploring life in general. I am also excited that the holidays are coming, that only making some moves and being open to the possibilities is kind of fun.
So, I was speaking with my friend the other day about this and she says “You’ll have no problems, you are gorgeous!”….Ummm, yeah….about that!? I don’t think people see what I see….I know me and I see myself every day, I know who I am behind closed doors and how I think. It’s hard to believe that someone could actually see me as “gorgeous” (may I please blush publicly here? Yikes). I have never seen myself as “gorgeous”, maybe “cute” or “pretty” or a “good person” lol …but I have never honestly believed I was anywhere near gorgeous. It always surprises me when people get all uppity about me saying this, but I really feel this!! I’m not being modest or humble….It simply makes me think about all those women and men I think are blessed to be beautiful and they don’t think they are. This is real. I took a moment to think about all the things I have not accepted and even relationships I didn’t pursue because I didn’t feel good enough. It’s also good for me to notice this so that I am able to change that now.
So guess what I did? I went around and took a short survey. I simply went up to people and asked them honestly and without joking what they thought of me. No one I knew of course. Random people who never met me. First let me say that people were very inviting, and second they all said the same thing. I felt lucky to have had the courage to go and handle this, but mostly to have received the honest feedback from complete strangers. I am not going to give you more details because it was a cray cray experience. Oh….and I must say that I went and did this little survey without makeup and dressed in my normal “mom” clothes, yes that’s right. I was wearing flats, jeans, a t-shirt and a lot of courage (no mood altering involved here…just lots of love from my team). Let me just say that the next time I feel doubtful about how I look, or wondering if I’m pretty enough, or if I even deserve someone’s love and undivided attention; I will think back on this experience and thank every serious face who connected with me. People can truly be amazing! SO for now, be happy, feel confident, and allow people’s compliments to push you forward!
In Love and Light,