Ok so I must share this….it’s just too darn good of a lesson not to share! I’ve been bamboozled!
Yes…careful me has been taken! For once in my life I let myself be vulnerable and fully trusting only to find that my trust was betrayed. I have been in a sort of weird space thinking about it since my Healing Friday entry. Its interesting how things work out, because after having had that conversation with my ex, and his comments about me asking for more clarity in my current situation; I decided I was going to finally step into the fire. It was time to ask once and for all what all this was and basically hold the other person accountable for their end of the openness I’ve given into this “relationship.” Needless to say that it was not the outcome I was expecting, and it will likely take me some time to mend and possibly to even trust men in general. (Sorry men, it only takes one—which I’m sure its like this with women too…sadly we can love so deeply and it will never be an even exchange). My ex was right, and pretty much everyone else who thought the situation seemed shady from the beginning. I’m just happy no one is saying “I told you so!” I’m thankful my friends and family still love me no matter what and that I can love myself through this too.
That man I saw as the leader of the pack, courageous, and integrous like “Mufasa” (this is what I believe I had called him in a previous entry, which I’m sure it was because I was still wearing the illusion glasses I built with him), had turned from being this beautiful beast; to finally show up as the person he really is—UGH!!! Its crazy how when the cover has been lifted off our eyes, everything seems to be kind of gray and dull, instead of the rose colored hues we gave them. The truth is out and people are hurt, and for whatever reason the heat always faces the one who blew the whistle; when in reality, everyone has some responsibility in it. On my end I can tell you that I was too trusting and weak, I could’ve addressed this clarity from the beginning and guarded myself. I took pieces of proof and built a good case for love, and rejected the case that was also very much built for deceit.
It takes a lot of courage to finally face the truth. It takes a lot of self-worth to finally say enough. It takes a lot of LOVE to know that even when there is pain, the outcome is the very best for everyone involved, even when it looks like something else. I’m glad for this opportunity to honor the sisterhood and be a worthy woman. I love myself and the sisterhood too much to have it be in breakdown because I wasn’t courageous enough in the past. I am and will always hold myself in a position where I am the ONLY woman in any relationship, even when only dating…(yes, from the beginning I’m the only one or simply leave me alone) . It would be ridiculous to expect anything less. So of course; I would expect that if anyone tells me I am the only one and everyone else is simply a “loved one”, that they mean it. I often wonder how there are women and men who can be in full relationships with more than one person. I am too selfish and possessive for that. I don’t tend to be a jealous person….but Hey, the Fiery Latina/Italian in me should scare you enough to know that I’m not having it! And on that note….they should be lucky enough to know they would be the ONLY one too! So? Here’s to the lessons in love and life and honesty….now my book is ready for a new page and maybe this time the fairy tale can be true and with a happy ending! I’d prefer no illusionists in this new fairy tale and no ugly witches to fend off, please and thank you! Haha!
PS: I will always build a case for love…I can’t help it…I may simply be more inquisitive with anyone new!
In Love & Light,