I have often heard this saying, even more so in recent songs. I get the meaning of it. I also realize why it is said. My personal experience has lead me to looking at how I got to where I am. I’m taking personal time to take care of myself instead and write; I write quite a bit, actually. But I can say that I can understand why women can unleash the fury. I think this is because to some people it would be second nature to simply look forward and keep going with life. Sure that’s normal in a perfect world. Then there are some of us who actually had feelings crushed and it takes a little more focus to heal our wounds. There is this internal struggle to know that at times I don’t want to care about what I reveal. I think I should be able to say whatever I want to say, this is my blog after-all. People won’t always agree with what I have to say. I am certain that it has already happened, so what would it be like to have a moment of truth? Isn’t it also said that “The Truth Shall Set You Free”? I should be able to mention names and post pictures of the past year and tag people if I wanted to. What if I did lose it? What if I didn’t hold it together and continue to protect the identity of people for the sake of saving their “reputation”? What if I decided I was tired of feeling like I was used, lied to, manipulated, and on top of that alienated? What if I didn’t have enough class to keep it all together? I don’t know…..I’m simply thinking out loud here. I simply think it is a matter of time. The longer an apology delays, the thinner the wall of resistance will hold. The more I think of the threats that came my way via e-mails and texts before havoc broke lose, the more I realize that it was only a manipulative selfish ploy that failed with me. You see? I had decided it was enough and I didn’t fall for it anymore. I understand now why women can get so angry. Feeling scorned and having a man walk away untouched can make a woman question herself.
For now, I will continue to focus on healing and forgiveness….forgiveness of myself for letting the manipulative treatment of a man question who I am, because I won’t let it happen again. Instead I’m using this time to process and grow.
In Love & Light,